Not Good Enough
by cali4me92
Summary: A songfic about some of the things Bella would have liked to say to Edward after he left her in New Moon. Based on a song caled Blood to Bleed by Rise Against.


**Disclaimer** I am not Stephenie Meyer and I own zilch:P

Song is Blood to Bleed by Rise Against

Not Good Enough

_This place rings with echoes of_

_Lives once lived but now are lost_

_Time spent wondering about tomorrow_

Everywhere i go and everything I see reminds me of you. You. When I think of you, this is what I refer to you as because I cannot bare to hear your name. I cannot bare to remember the times we once had. Had, as in the past. God it kills me to think that it was all in the past. It's so hard to think that I will never see your face and hear your voice again. I would give anything to do those things once more but I know that will never happen because I know I don't deserve such happiness. I know that I don't deserve you. But yet, that doesn't stop me from wishing that I do. I just wish that we were equals but that is never going to happen. You know, part of me is glad because I always knew I wasn't good enough for you and now you have the chance to to find someone that makes you as happy as you made me. Although it would tear me up inside to see you with another girl, I know that if anyone deserves it, it's you.

_I don't care if we lose it all tonight_

_Up in flames burning bright_

_Warming the air of the world_

I just wish I knew if you were okay, knew that you were happy. Then at least one of us would be. Then maybe you being happy would bring me some relief. All I want is to make you happy and if some other girl does that, then that's all I ask. That should not make me happy. I should hate you for what you did to me but I never could. I wish I knew that everything wasn't just a lie and that it wasn't just my imagination making things up. I want it to end. I don't want to remember anymore. I would make it end if I didn't make that promise to you and if Charlie didn't need me. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I want to pretend that you and the others never came to Forks. That you never entered my life. And that you never made me love you and then just ripped it all away.

_"I don't love you anymore" is all I remember you telling me_

_Never have I felt so cold_

_But I've no more blood to bleed_

_'Cause my heart has been draining into the sea_

If all of that never happened, I would not feel this ache every time I move. I would never have to hear the repetition of those dreadful words you said to me. You said them once. Why do I have to hear them over and over again inside me head? All I want to do is forget. Why aren't you letting me forget? You promised you would leave me alone, that you wouldn't be here. You are _always_ here to remind me of what used to be. To remind me that I wasn't good enough for you. A human could never stand next to you and feel proud. We both knew that as much as we pretended, we weren't meant to be. I wish I was good enough to stand by your side and feel like I belong. I wish that I didn't have to hear those hurtful words that are stuck to my soul. I _know _that I am not right for you. Who am I to match your perfection? I am, after all, a clumsy human whose mistakes you would always have to fix.

_Since I've taken your footsteps_

_Getting me closer to what is left_

_Of the dreams of what I once claimed to know_

_Within my bones this resonates_

_Boiling blood will circulate_

_Could you tell me again what you did this for?_

I have dozens of flaws whereas you have none. Those thoughts haunt me day and night. When I close my eyes, all I see is you running from me. Of course I try to follow but what good is it? You will never be in my reach. Even if you were, what would be the point of wanting someone if they don't want you back? That is the worst part of this whole situation, knowing that you don't love me. It kills me to know that I am not good enough. The funny thing is that I could have been enough. If you would have changed me like I wanted you to, everything would have bee all right. I would have fit in with your perfect world and perfect family. I could have been beautiful, strong, and invincible like you. But I guess you never wanted that because you never wanted me. I only ask one question of you. Why did you lead me into believing you wanted me just as much as I wanted you? In the end, all it did was hurt me and waste your precious time. If your goal was to break me heart, you succeeded.

_Still I wait_

_With a hope inside of me (inside of me)_

_So still (so still) I wait (I wait)_

_Until again we meet_

_Until again we meet_

Even after all the things you said to me, I love you as much as I always have. I want you so much that it is killing me. Why did you do this to me? I know that if I had the chance, I would take you back. The honest truth is that I was never angry at you for what you did. I blame myself for not being good enough. I blame myself for not deserving you...


End file.
